He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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