thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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