I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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