the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
