dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
