i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
