u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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