Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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