So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
