we have officially lost it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
