Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am available for nakedness
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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