The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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