Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
