there's paper in my vomit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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