She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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