you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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