He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Watching her eat just hurts me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
