I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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