there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
