FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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