it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
