I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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