apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
BRING THE BAGELS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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