yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
