You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
