Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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