He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
