You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
