Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
