Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
