im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
