what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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