She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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