So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
