Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
