Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
