well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
