I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
