I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
