pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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