Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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