when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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