Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
