Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
