There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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