Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
