So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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