Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
