how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
