It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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