Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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