If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
