i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
