Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
