At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
