i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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