it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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