I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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