hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
