No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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