Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
