I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
