My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
