I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
how drunk are you?
Several
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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