everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
