Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
