She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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