My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
