i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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