He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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