I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
