I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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