I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm always down for nudity.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
