I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
