I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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