Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize