You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
