i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
