He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
