Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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