This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
