so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
