Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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