so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
