I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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