Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
