Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
